Ignition Jokes / Recent Jokes

What if people bought cars like they buy computers? General Motors
doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But imagine if
they did...
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!"
Helpline: "Did you put the key in the ignition and
turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Helpline: "It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come
I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
Helpline: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: more...

What if people bought cars like they buy
Computers?
The car companies don't have help lines
for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they
buy computers, imagine if they did...
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help
you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot
and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How
come I have to know all these technical terms to
use my car.
Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it
won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front
panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and more...

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy/use cars like they buy/use computers -- but imagine if they did. . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-----------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? more...

One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.

"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.

"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.

"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"