Impossible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Who says nothing is impossible, I have been doing nothing for years.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whale. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they are ve ry large mammals, their throats are very small.
The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. The little girl said, “I believe it because God said so”.
The teacher said that’s a book, even the bible, could not go against biological facts. And besides, there was no proof that there really was a God anyway. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “what if Jonah went to hell? ”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him. ”

Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious.

I used to be smug about the Y2K problem even though it was definitely a problem with 100% probability of occurrence. But then I got to thinking about chaos theory and what really causes big problems and disasters. It's the little unexpected things. For example, a barge strikes a bridge causing a train to fall into the water. Who would have predicted that?
So, here's what you really need to watch out for in 1999:
El Kabong. We all know about the problems caused by El Nino and La Nina. No one expects them both to occur simultaneously! They say it's impossible. Ergo, what do you suppose will happen? Both El Nino and La Nina at the same time. I call it El Kabong! It turns out to be the greatest natural disaster in modern time - but wait, there is finally some good news...
Due to the change to the Euro-dollar, a software glitch introduced by a Y2K date fix prevents a stock market meltdown. Investors would have been saved billions when what was just a 1-day panic was suddenly more...

The impossible wish.
Tony Blair was on holiday. He was walking along a beach one morning when he stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and a Genie appeared.
Tony asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, not these days. I`m only giving out one wish. So...what`ll it be?"
Tony didn`t hesitate. He said, "See this map? I want Israel and the Palestinians to stop fighting with each other and start loving each other instead."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Are you crazy??? These people have been at war for years! I`m good, but I`m not that good. I don`t think it can be done. So make another wish."
Tony thought for a minute and said, "You know, for some minor reason, a lot of people are beginning not to trust me. It would be terrific if you would make everyone trust me more. That`s my wish."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hmmmmm. Let me see that map again..."