Inch Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it. Hey, what's that? A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist. Can I try? The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room. Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!, p> Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?

FOREIGN GOOFS
"Bite the wax tadpole."
- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."
- ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
"I am a jelly doughnut"
- English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
"We pray for MacArthur's erection."
- sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
- from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991
"It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
- Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad
MISCELLANEOUS
"I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that."
- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been more...

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to consciousness, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?" ]The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee?]Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.[3 very lonely men.]98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]In 1681, the last dodo bird died.[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]A more...

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints.
The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."The small guy faints.The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."

Be On The Lookout For The Following New Viruses:
CLINTON VIRUS
Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
VIAGRA VIRUS
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
LEWINSKY VIRUS
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after two bytes.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.
DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Deletes all old files.
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
Disks can no longer be inserted.
TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky Virus)
Your whole computer goes down (but I think "we go on").
DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in your computer goes Goofy :}.
PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
JOEY BUTTAFUCO VIRUS
Only attacks minor files.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER more...