Industry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: Ram What Is Your Father Doing? Ram: He Is Running A Small Scale Industry Maam. Teacher: What Type Of Industry? Ram: A Industry That Manufactures Small Scales Teacher:?

A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25. 00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently, General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement, "yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to more...

In recent days, much has been written about the change in our national mood, and how the tragic attacks will affect the entertainment industry.
After consulting with industry leaders, we have taken the initiative and drafted the following guidelines for comedy and for action movies. These rules are effective as of October 1.
COMEDY RULES
Until further notice, all violent humor is to be replaced by sexist humor.
Similarly, all ethnic humor is to be replaced by obesity humor.
Jokes about death are to be replaced by jokes about long-term illness.
Jokes about long-term illness are to be replaced by jokes about minor injury.
Any stand-up comic who does a routine about airplanes is to be accompanied onstage by a federal marshal. (We should have done this years ago.)
No comedy is to be directed at countries with valuable airspace.
From now on, irony can only be deployed when referring to the following:
black flies in Chardonnays
free rides when more...

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry AcronymsISDN It Still Does NothingAPPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing EntitySCSI System Can't See ItDOS Defunct Operating SystemBASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry ControlIBM I Blame MicrosoftDEC Do Expect CutsCD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in MonthsOS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too. WWW World Wide WaitMACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
DATE: 25 MARCH 1999

Please be advised that you have been invited to attend the "SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING" (S. H. I. T.) program which will enable you to attain the highest levels of work quality and productivity in the IT industry. It is our primary objective to equip all employees with more S. H. I. T. than anyone else in the industry.
Employees who have previously undergone this program and are already full of S. H. I. T. are qualified to train others on the basic rudiments of the program called "BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING PROGRAM" (B. U. L. L. S. H. I. T.). For details, please see:
DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D. I. P. S. H. I. T.)
Please be warned that any employee who fails to S. H. I. T. will be automatically placed on "DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION & PROBATION of SPECIAL more...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"So, here you are: a dozen reasons to be glad the automotive industry hasn't kept up with the computer industry:1. Every time you wanted to drive on a different road, you would have to buy a new car.2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.3. Occasionally, executing a common maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.4. Traffic jams would be known as lag, and you'd accept them as well.5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you more...