Industry Jokes / Recent Jokes

PCMCIA
People Can`t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can`t See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASICBill`s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will more...

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1, 000 miles to the gallon."

General Motors has issued a press release stating:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. more...

Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies
REDMOND, Washington - January 4, 1995 - In response to customer inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm), its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named "Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names at very low more...

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, more...

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI System Can't See It
DOS Defective Operating System
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM I Blame Microsoft
DEC Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

In a joint press conference early this morning, the Chief Executives of Microsoft and Novell revealed that their companies had been working together to increase Microsoft's dominance of the computer industry. In a secret partnership with Microsoft, Novell has been strategically acquiring Microsoft's major competitors in the software industry and ruining them.
The relationship goes back a number of years, according to Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. "[Digital Research's] DR-DOS 5.0 was ten times the operating system that MS-DOS 4.01 was. We couldn't even steal technology fast enough to compete. That was when we first contacted Novell." Under direction from Microsoft, Novell then purchased Digital Research, a small California company best known for its CP/M operating system.
Novell CEO Bob Frankenburg continued, "We let the developers release DR-DOS 6.0, which unfortunately was a success, but then we jumped in with both feet. By the time we were done with it, more...

Microsoft Vs. General Motors
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would the be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a more...