Insane Jokes / Recent Jokes
An important official who was visiting an insane asylum made a telephone call but had difficulty getting his number. Finally, in exasperation, he shouted to the operator, "Look here, miss, do you know who I am?" "No," she replied calmly, "but I now where you are."
The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them.
Editor's Note: I'll warn you, it's in fairly bad taste.
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"Space Odd-Do-Ti" sung to David Bowie's "Space Oddity"
Ground control to Father John
Ground control to Father John
Put your purple shrouds and clean white Nikes on
Ground control to Father John
Commencing reboot, PC's on
Check our Web page and may Ti's love be with you
(lift-off)
This is Ground Control to Father John
We've all had alcohol
Mixed with applesauce and phenol-barbitol
Now it's time to just lie down and end it all
This is Father John to Ground Control
I'll castrate all the men
And rejoin our UFO and alien friend
And we can't wait' til Hale-Bopp returns again
For Rio's speaking for the camera
Far beyond insane
Planet Earth is due for a Y2K review
(break, instrumental)
Though I'm past 100 million more...
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.
A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from
the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.
The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."
The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
User(To the tune of Beck's "Loser")In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkieJolt in my brains and body feeling chunkyWith the plastic mouse balls spray paint the CommodoreSystem install with the hard drive on the floorKill the process and put it in /dev/nullEmail flaming with the user hitting D-controlShell's called Reno and it's written in CGot a couple of xterms, keys set to repeatRoot came sayin' I'm insane to complainAbout an online wedding and a stain on my screenDon't believe everything that you make(1)You get a cracker from Europe and a login that's fakeSo write your code in Perl in the darkSaving all your hacks for working at a tech parkYo - punch itSo - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Double dense floppy)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? Forces of evil in a MUD/MOO nightmareBan all the members in a phony #chat channel' causeOne's got a handle and the other's got a. planOne online spammed the other and ranWith more...
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts! ” and the inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts! ” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts! ” and they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, “Well… everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS! ’”