Asylum Jokes

An inmate at the insane asylum was being examined for possible release. The first question the examining doctor asked was: "What are you going to do when you leave this institution?"
"I'm gonna get me a sling shot," said the patient, "and I'm gonna come back here and break every goddam window in the place!"
After six more months of treatment, the patient was again brought before the examining doctor for possible dismissal, and the same question was put to him.
"Well, I'm going to get a job," the patient replied.
"Fine," said the doctor. "Then what?"
"I'm going to rent an apartment."
"Very good."
"Then I'm going to meet a beautiful girl."
"Excellent."
"I'm going to take the beautiful girl up to my apartment and I'm going to pull up her skirt."
"Normal, perfectly normal."
"Then I'm gonna steal her garter, make more...

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.
His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.
He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

A Haryanavi youth spied a pretty girl at the bus stand. Since no one was around, he tried to use a tone of familiarity, "Jaan-e-man - my heart's desire," he addressed her, "aisee laagey sai, aap ko pehley kahin dekha sai."

"Jaroor deykha sai - you must have seen me," replied the lady, "I am a nurse at the lunatic asylum."

A man walks to work every day. On his way there he always passes the local insane asylum.

Well, one day when he was walking by the asylum. He heard all the patients on the other side of the tall wood fence chanting "Fifteen, Fifteen". He became very curious but had no way of knowing what was going on.

The chanting became louder "Fifteen, Fifteen, Fifteen", and his curiosity became stronger. What were they doing? His imagination went wild.... were they torturing fifteen people, were they counting something he did not want to know about? He could not stand the suspense.

He finally saw a little knot whole in the fence, just big enough to look through. He walked up to it cautiously and ducked down to look in it.

All the sudden he got pocked in the eye with someone's finger. The chanting changed to "Sixteen, Sixteen, Sixteen".