Install Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it`s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn`t ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I`d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:
1. A "Don`t remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don`t lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn`t have an uninstall program. I tried more...

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy/use cars like they buy/use computers -- but imagine if they did. . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-----------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriend Plus 1. 0 (marketing name: Fiance 1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiance 1. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and it's a memory hogger: has taken up all his space.
Wife 1. 0 must be running before he can do anything and seems to conflict/interfere with other tasks running such as hockey 2. 1, squash 3. 01 and boys out 1. 2. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife 1. 0 came with auto-installed Plug-Ins such as Mother In Law and Brother In Law.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4. 0...
- A "Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
- "Abort" button (O. K. that one's pretty bad - but had to say it)
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and more...

Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long and Phosphor
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you more...

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.

She is now noticing that Husband 1. 0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Husband 1. 0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2. 4, GirlsNight 3. 5 and CocktailNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

During installation, Husband 1. 0 provides no option as to the installation of more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriend Plus 1. 0 (marketing name: Fiance 1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiance 1. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and it's a memory hogger: has taken up all his space. Wife 1. 0 must be running before he can do anything and seems to conflict/interfere with other tasks running such as hockey 2. 1, squash 3. 01 and boys out 1. 2. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife 1. 0 came with auto-installed Plug-Ins such as Mother In Law and Brother In Law. Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4. 0... - A "Don't remind me again" button- Minimize button- Shutdown feature- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects) - "Abort" button (O. K. that one's pretty bad - but had to say it)I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall more...