Install Jokes / Recent Jokes

You are attempting to install Windows XP. Are you sure you want to continue?
Yes.
Are you really sure?
Yes.
Are you really, really sure?
YES!
Ok, then. Just so you know, we're required to ask you that now. It's all your fault for being a picky consumer and supporting that whole "anti-trust" nonsense. Ingrate!
Just get on with it.
Attempting to install Windows XP. First we need to check your system for compatibility. This could take several days.
Groan...
The install program has detected several possible problems and will not let you install XP.
Problems? What problems?
The video card you are using apparently does not work with the motherboard.
But I'm using it at this very moment.
That is irrelevant.
But if the video card isn't working with the motherboard, then I can't very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn't...
Do not attempt to fool me with logic, I am a Microsoft product. more...

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."Tech Support: "You did what, sir?"Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used more...

Microsoft:
YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY SURE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?
****yes!***
OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE'RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE "ANTI-TRUST" NONSENSE. INGRATE.
Just get on with it.
ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.
Groan.
THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.
Problems? What problems?
THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.
But I'm using it at this very moment.
THAT IS IRRELEVANT.
But if the video card isn't working with the mother board then I can't very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn't...
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A more...

Dear Help Desk,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications which had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
Additionally, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to rectify these problems, but to no avail.
Help please!
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Please bear in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME, then install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. However, remember that overuse could cause Husband 1.0 to default more...

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5. 0 and NBA 3. 0. and now Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Desperate
===========
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6. 2 to install Guilt 3. 0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2. 0 and Flowers more...

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and found that it`s a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.
She is now noticing that Husband 1. 0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Husband 1. 0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She`s finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2. 4, GirlsNight 3. 5 and CocktailNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
During installation, Husband 1. 0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus 1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4. 0...
- A "Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with girlfriend 1. 0 still installed, they tried using the same i/o port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks in all versions of more...