Invites Jokes

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a - ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

Three Bills all die at the exact same moment: Bill Clinton,
Billy Graham, and Bill Gates.
They arrive at the Pearly Gates but since St. Peter is on
vacation they are escorted directly into God's throne room, to
be judged by God Himself.
God asks Bill Clinton what he believes and Clinton replies, "I
believe in equality and justice for all the people of the world."
God says that's a very admirable belief and invites him to sit
to his left.
God then asks Billy Graham what he believes and Graham replies,
"I believe in the salvation promised in the Bible and in the
saving grace of your son, Jesus Christ."
God says that's an even more admirable answer and invites him to
sit to his right.
God then turns to Bill Gates and asks what he believes and Gates
replies, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

A rich girl and a poor boy fall in love and decide to marry.
The girl's father is strongly against such a decision, but
after a long argument, the daughter finally gets her way.
The father agrees that the two can marry, but he insists
on meeting the man before the date is set. His daughter
agrees and invites her fiance over for dinner.
_____________________________________________
Dinner goes well. Then, afterwards, the father invites
his future son-in-law into the study. The father asks him
what he does for a living, to which the boy replies, "I am
a religious man; I study the Testaments."
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The father then asks, "How are you going to support my
daughter's high living standard."

The boy replies, "I will study, and God will provide."

The father, now losing his patience asks, "How will you
afford a nice place to more...

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.