Involved Jokes / Recent Jokes
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.
13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
18. more...
This is a true story.
This happened many years ago, and was told me by a man with spare time on his hands, who used to spectate in court to pass some of that spare time.
Lawyer - "You say you saw the defendant's car involved in a road accident at the junction of X and Y?"
Policeman - "That is correct."
L - "And where were you at this time?" P - "At the junction of X and Z."
L - "So you were some 80 yards away when the incident occured?" P - "Yes, I was."
L, in incredulous accent - "So you were 80 yards away, but you say you knew this vehicle had been involved in an accident?" P - "Yes."
L - "Then please tell the court how you knew this vehicle went through a red light?" P - "Because the light that I could see was green."
L, triumphantly - "Ah, but how did you know that it had been in an accident?" P - "Because it went past on its roof."
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in.
As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Dilip, are you more...
Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...
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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT
The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.
Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.
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INTRODUCTION
The more...
A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase ManhattanBank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young manat the window that she wished to take the 3 million she had in thebag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to theamount of money involved. The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and afteropening the paper bag and seeing the bundles of 1, 000 bills whichamounted to right around 3 million, telephoned the bank's secretaryto obtain an appointment for the lady. The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president'soffice. Introductions were made and she stated that she would liketo get to know the people she did business with on a more personallevel. The bank president then asked her where she came into such alarge amount of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he asked. "No." sheanswered. "Was it from playing the stock more...