Irs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man, called in for an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant and his lawyer what he should wear. "Wear casual clothing and an old pair of shoes. Don't let them think you are a wealthy man," the accountant replied.

The lawyer disagreed. "Wear your best suit and tie," he said. "Don't let them think they can intimidate you."

Confused, the man went to his minister, told him of the conflicting advice, and asked him what he should do. "Let me tell you a story," replied the minister. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.' Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck and wool socks.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice: "Wear your most sexy, sheer negligee!"

"But Reverend," the man protested, "What does that have to do with the IRS?"

"It doesn't matter what you wear," more...

If Microsoft Ran The IRS

"Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).

-- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May.

-- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.

-- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property.

-- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.

-- more...

New IRS Tax PolicyGOVERNMENT NOTICEJanuary 1, 1995To: All Male TaxpayersFrom: IRSRE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040PThe only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, starting January 1, 1995 your penis will be taxed according to it's size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form. * 12-10 inches --Luxury Tax --$50. 0010-8 inches --Pole Tax --$30. 008-6 inches --Privilege Tax --$15. 006-4 inches --Nuisance Tax --$5. 00Please Note:-Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund. - * Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains. Please do not request an extensionSincerely, Pecker CheckerInternal Revenue more...

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.""Why would you say that?" wondered the broker."Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. ” “Why would you say that? ” wondered the broker. “Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career. ”

IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken: Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, and Garth Brooks. . .

I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."