Irving Jokes / Recent Jokes

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony.
Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving.
"Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"That's easy...just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring."Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony.Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving."Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?""That's easy...just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring." Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try' playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving." Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" "That's easy... just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Irvin is driving down the freeway to go to work when his cell phone rings.
It's his wife: "Irving, I just heard on the news that there's a car going down the freeway in the wrong direction. Please try to be careful."
"It's true,"Irving replies,"But not just one car- there are hundreds of them!"

Irving can? t seem to find the right girl, so his mother hires a matchmaker. The matchmaker tells him, ? I think I have the perfect girl for you. She? s descended from royalty, she? s a multi-millionaire, she has a Ph.D. in quantum mechanics, she? s a beauty contest winner, an Olympic athlete, and a world-class cook. She? s got a villa in Spain and a fleet of yachts. She? s also got the nicest personality of anyone you? ve ever met. But there? s one problem: she? s not Jewish.?
Irving says, ? My mother will never go for it.? The matchmaker says, ? Leave it to me.?
And so she starts going to work on the mother. At first, the mother says ? Absolutely not.? She refuses even to hear of it, and throws the matchmaker out of the house. Over many weeks, however, the matchmaker wears down her resistance. The matchmaker points out all the advantages that the match has for her son, and how unlikely it is that he will ever get another such opportunity. The matchmaker also points out, ? more...

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you,' The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, more...