Island Jokes / Recent Jokes

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. "How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand. "It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

there were three girls on an island an they are walking on teh shore and find a magic lamp.of course they rub the lamp and a genie comes out and says since there is three of you i will grant each one of you a wish.the black haired girl says i miss my friends and family.so she wants to go home and she then gos home.the brunette says the same thing as the black haired woman and then she goes back.then the blond says she misses her friends so she wishes her friends, the brunette, the black haired woman back to the island.

There was an english man, an irish man and a scottish man, all on a plane. The plane crash landed on an island and the three of them escaped but were soon captured by cannibals.
"We shall let you live," Said the head of the cannibals, "if you each shove a peice of fruit up your ass without making a sound." The english man puts a plum up his ass, and screams in pain and is killed. The irish man has an apple half way up his ass when he starts laughing histerically.
In heaven the english man asks the irish man "why did you laugh? you could have lived!" and the irish man replies,
"I just saw that scottish dude coming back with a pineapple!"

There were once 3 blondes on an island, but they couldn't find a way off. But while searching, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out.

"I will grant you each a wish," he said.

"Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try."

"I want to be the world's best swimmer" one said, "so can swim off of the island". She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

"I want to be a bird" one said, and flew away immediately.

The 3rd, and last one thought for a while. "I want to be a man. Maybe that would help." She was instantly transformed into a man, then walked across the bridge to the mainland, where she joined her two friends.

Two Jews are stranded on a desert island. They build three synagogues --- one for the orthodox Jew, one for the reform Jew, and one that neither one of them will ever set foot in!

A man who had been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is starting to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a dog and a pig. One day, the man decides he's had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. But every time he approaches the sow for his moment of passion the dog bites the man's backside. This continues for several days and the man is beginning to get frustrated. But one morning, the man's luck changes: out to sea he notices a beautiful young woman on the point of drowning. He swims over, drags her out on to the beach and gives her the kiss of life. The woman comes to and is very grateful. "Thank you so much," she says. "I will do anything for you, and I mean absolutely anything." The man can't believe his luck and quickly replies, "You wouldn't mind taking that bloody dog for a walk would you?"