Island Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. they reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns, then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns, finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says," O crap its too far!" then she swims back to the island.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. They reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns. Then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns. Finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says, " O crap its too far!" then she swims back to the island.

At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training course. He ran about 10 yards away to be safe, and yelled the instructions. "Pull the pin, throw and hit the dirt!" The private proceeds to do so, and throws the explosive directly at the sergeant! A few months later, the sergeant meets the private in a group of men killed in battle. He goes up the the private- no hard feelings because heaven is well, great- and asks him how he' bit the dust.' Responds the private: "Well, i was caught in a ambush; these guys," He thumbs behind him. "got caught in the jeep under the fire. I managed to make it to a ditch where i yanked a grenade form my belt and pulled the pin and lever. The enemy runs away seeing it, so i put the grenade back onto my belt."

A cruise ship sinks and three men make it to an uninhabited island. The first man, a Christian, tears two branches from a palm tree, creates a cross, and prays to the Lord to be saved from the island. The second man, a Muslim, pulls several fronds from the palm tree, creates a mat, kneels facing Mecca, and prays to Allah to save him. The third man falls asleep under the palm tree. The other two can't understand how this man could remain so calm and serene - and ask him how he could be so at ease. He says, "Two years ago I gave $1, 000, 000 to the Jewish Federation. Last year I gave $2, 000, 000. This year I pledged $3, 000, 000. Don't worry, they'll find me."

A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. "I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie. Poof! A beer appeared.

Next the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women." Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.

Oh, man this is the life, the guy thought. "I wish I never had to work again."

And poof!... He was back at his desk in the government office!

At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training course. He ran about 10 yards away to be safe, and yelled the instructions."Pull the pin, throw and hit the dirt!"The private proceeds to do so, and throws the explosive directly at the sergeant! A few months later, the sergeant meets the private in a group of men killed in battle. He goes up the the private- no hard feelings because heaven is well, great- and asks him how he bit the dust. Responds the private: "Well, i was caught in a ambush; these guys," He thumbs behind him. "got caught in the jeep under the fire. I managed to make it to a ditch where i yanked a grenade form my belt and pulled the pin and lever. The enemy runs away seeing it, so i put the grenade back onto my belt."

A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there were indeed people there, but the inhabitants of the island knew nothing of civilized culture. The missionary decided that it would be in the natives best interest if he could teach them about civilization. He created small schools in huts and taught the natives how to read and write and do mathmetics. He would take the natives one by one around the island, and teach them the correct words for objects that they would see. One day, the Missionary is walking around the island with one of the natives. They walk past a tree. The Missionary points and says to the native, "Tree". The native repeats, "Tree". They continue further and come to a bush. The Missionary points to it and says, "Bush". The native repeats the word, "Bush". They walk around the bush - and lying on the ground behind it, is a native couple whoopi. The Missionary hopes that the native more...