Jack Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: I didnt think wed make it! Jill replied, Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or wed have slid all the way back down!
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle this situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children; Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins: Deap and Dip Schitt.
Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, Holie Schitt adopted son, a high school drop out.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried to a man named Ted Sherlock. Since her children were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then know as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken more...
Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His work mates were understandably curious:"Jack, what happened to you?!?""It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the ass of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!""Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?""Naw...After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack - so I tried to poke it back in."
Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "No, he has a broken arm." John: "How did he break it?" Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window." John: "How did he break his arm?" Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."
What did the jack say to the car?"Can I give you a lift?"
Jack was suffering with a horrible cold, so he went to see his doctor. His doctor prescribed some pills for him, but they didn't help.
Back Jack went to the doctor the next day and this time he was given a shot, but that too didn't seem to help.
Once again, Jack went back to the doctor. This time he was told to go home, take a hot bath and as soon as he finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.
"What!" Jack exclaimed. "If I do something like that, I'll end up with pneumonia!"
"That, I can cure!" said his doctor.
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was
known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and
consequently, married the Happens brothers in dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt more...