Janet Jokes / Recent Jokes

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks...
Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill....and there's no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded..."Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly), doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet says, "Whenever I feel that a guy's getting ready to make a pass me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can."
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him... so, she tensed up her butt cheeks more...

Former First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.
Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can."
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Sam & Janet!
Sam & Janet who?
Sam & Janet evening, you will meet a stranger...!

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go more...

Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon.
About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet has too many holes in it, the fish will escape! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet'or in a drum!

Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up screen.
New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in ".gov," a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly.
Source code no longer ones and zeros - try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, "Here's to my sweet Satan."
Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T.
New desktop icon - click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund.
Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: "Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products."
Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, "Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me."
TV function scrambles C-Span during more...