Japan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Toyota's president said he will delay his trip to the U.S. until the world economy improves. He is now expected to arrive the day after Hell freezes over.

The first ladies of UK, Japan and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective spouse. The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the room" The lady from Japan says, "It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back.." The French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down..." Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumor... it moves from one mouth to another..."

Japan has now won the World Baseball Classic twice, giving them one trophy for every person in America who watched them do it. Baseball fans are relieved to get back to watching games that matter. You know, spring training.

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fas t! Made in Japan!"

In recent months, we have heard the Japanese call the US workers lazy, greedy and illiterate. Those are fighting words to us, even if they may be true. The question is what to do about it. My basketball coach always told me to exploit the weakness of the opposition by using what (questionable) strengths I had. I think the US should do exactly that with Japan. The Japanese are world leaders in quality of goods and decades ahead of us in electronics like High Definition Television (HDTV). We will never be able to compete with them in these areas, so we must redefine the competition. I propose that the FCC mandate a new form of Television called Low Emission and Definition Television (LEAD-TV). Such TV sets would have lots of static interference, horrible resolution, be expensive, break very often, and would be hard and frustrating to watch. Exactly the type of TV sets that American industry and workers are already geared to produce! The Japanese, on the other hand, could not produce more...

A Japanese mental health counselor recited pi to 100,000 decimal places from memory on Wednesday, setting a new world record. After the incident, it was recommended that he see a mental health counselor.
Even more impressive was the man's ability to recite all the lyrics to "It's the End of the World As We Know It."

"There are many reasons why the United States finds itself playing second fiddle to Japan today in so many high-technology areas where American pre-eminence was once unquestioned. Some of the reasons are complex, but one can be put in a statistical nutshell: Out of every 10, 000 Americans, 20 are lawyers, 40 are accountants, and 70 are engineers. Out of every 10, 000 Japanese, one is a lawyer, three are accountants -- and 400 are engineers." July's Optical Spectrum