Jar Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. He put four worms into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of semen.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results.
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in semen - dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
The minister asked the congregation - "What can we learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said;
As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you wont have worms.

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The
solvent dissolves the adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray
bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The
alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth
dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills
germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects
the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse
the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from more...

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol; dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke; dead.
Third worm in sperm; dead.
Fourth worm in soil; alive.

Lesson:
As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms.