Jar Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
An 80-year old couple decided they wanted to have one more child. The wife suggested they discuss this with their doctor, so they visited with her.
Their doctor first suggested that the man have a sperm count check to see if he had enough ammunition. She gave the old man a jar and said "Take this in that room and provide me with a sperm specimen."
After 30 minutes of grunting, groaning, and screaming behind the door, the old man appeared, obviously disheveled. "Doctor, can I bring my wife in with me?" he asked.
"Sure, whatever helps!" the doctor replied.
The old man's wife entered the room with the old man, and closed the door. Sure enough; another 30 minutes of grunting, groaning and screaming ensued. Then the couple opened the door and stepped out of the room, sweat beading on their foreheads, their clothes wrinkled and obviously frustrated... The old man handed the jar to the doctor.
The doctor more...
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on' Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."
Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1 So brunettes can remember them.
A2 Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde? ???
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why did more...
A SRI LANKAN MOTHER comes to visit her son Sunil who lives
with a female roommate naming Sunita, for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother could not help but notice how pretty Sunil's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Sunil and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Sunil volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Sunil saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he
sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,
I'm not saying that you' did' take the more...
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What''s so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."