Jealous Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman! ”
The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume! ”

If you meet a woman, and you like her, then she...
has a jealous boyfriend 6'4" 280 pounds
is a confirmed lesbian
only wants to be friends
doesn't notice you're even alive
About who tries to pick you up; if you're:
heterosexual, then homosexuals will try
homosexual, then heterosexuals will try
bi-sexual, then, no one will try
with someone special, everyone will try
About finding love; if you:
hope you found it, you'll be disappointed
think you found it, you're wrong
believe you found it, you're misinformed
have found it, you won't know until too late
About winning/losing; if you:
don't have anything to lose, you won't win
have something to lose, you'll lose it
do win, it's only so you can lose more later
If she appears to be having a good time, it's because:
she's fanaticizing, and not of you, either
she's been eyeing-up someone else
she's trying to make someone jealous
About dating, if more...

The male type
Ok, we all know all men seem to fall into categories, well a friend of mine and I were discussing it one day and we decided to create the "man lecture". So here it is:
All men have their own type, of which there are 5.
Type 1: Man.
Type 2: Annoying man.
Type 3: Annoying possessive man.
Type 4: Annoying, possessive, jealous, and controlling man.
Type 5: Annoying, possessive, jealous, controlling, and a down right jerk off.
,
All these types have their own sub-types.
Type 1: A. Good father.
Type 1: B. Thoughtful.
Type 1: C. Excellent bedmate (yes I mean it the sexual way)
Type 1: D. Trustworthy.
Type 1. E. Deals with his problems by facing them.
Type 2: A. Decent father.
Type 2: B. Is lucky to remember your birthday.
Type 2: C. Does ok.
Type 3: A. Could do a lot better.
Type 3: B. Is lucky to remember his birthday.
Type 3: C. Could use a few pointers, but is otherwise all more...

Why is Mr. Potato Head jealous of Michael Jackson?Michael Jackson has had more noses.

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

Queen Elizabeth, Bush & Musharraf died & went straight to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes,
then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bush was soo jealous, he starts screaming,
"My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes,
then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Musharraf was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Pakistan too,
I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of more...

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.