Jerusalem Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, Santa's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, Santa went to the Indian Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Punjab, India for a proper funeral ceremony.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Santa that the sending of a body back to India for cremation is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as fifty thousand rupees. The Consul then advised Santa that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to cremate the body here. This would cost very less.
Santa thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in more...

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, “They couldn't get a baby-sitter.”

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law, told George, "My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000 dollars." The Consul continued, "In most of these cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150 dollars".
George thinks for some time, and answers the Consul, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back. That's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, more...

In Jerusalem, an American female journalist heard about an old rabbi who visited the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is! She watches the bearded old man at prayer and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?" For about 50 years, he informs her. 50 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?" "Like I'm talking to a fucking wall.

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!
He asked how much He owed, but Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor?" Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor."
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.
A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past the Finkelstein shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein robes.
He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to more...