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Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing golf.
A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in
which he could play. So he joins the rabbis and plays 18 holes.
At the end of the game his score is 104. The rabbis shot 69, 70 and 71.
He says to them, "How come you all play such good golf?"
The lead rabbi said, "When you live a religious life, join and attend
temple, you are rewarded."
Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose. So he finds a
temple close to his home, attends twice a week, converts, joins and lives
a holy life.
About a year later he again plays golf with the three rabbis. He shoots a
104 and they shoot a 69, 70, 71. He says to them, "Okay, I joined a temple,
live a religious life and I'm still shooting lousy.
The lead rabbi said to him, "What temple did you join?"
He said, "Beth Shalom".
The rabbi more...

A new monk joins the trapist order and takes a vow of silence. He is however allowed to speak every ten years.
After ten years he is summoned to see the Friar.
"It is ten years since you last spoke. Do you have anything to say?" says the friar.
"Well yes" replies the monk, "The bed is a little hard, could I have an extra blanket?"
Ten years after this it is time to speak again.
"What do you have to say?" says the friar.
"Well" says the monk "I wonder if we could have a little more milk with our cornflakes in the morning?"
Ten years after this it is time once again to speak.
"What do you have to say this time?" asks the friar.
"I've been thinking," says the monk, "I've been here 30 years and I'm really not sure I'm suited to the life. I think I would like to leave"
"Thank God for that," says the friar, "You've done nothing but complain since more...