Jump Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story
was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a
commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(back to newscast)
He jumps.
Blonde: OK. Here's my $20.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same story on the 6:00 news
and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a fair bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump
twice.

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.
"The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."
"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was Work jokes. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others -- only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you more...

Some biological researcher experimented with a flea. He puts it on the table and says: "Jump!"
The flea jumps 3 meters, so he writes down to his log: "The flea has jumped 3 meters."
Afterwards he cuts one of its legs off and says again: "Jump!"
The flea jumps only 2 meters, so he writes down to the log: "The flea has jumped 2 meters."
Then he again cuts one more leg, again says: "Jump!"
It jumped 1.5 meters, which was also registered in the log.
He continued cutting the fleas' legs until there were no legs left, he puts it on the table and says: "Jump!"
The flea doesn't move.
He says again: "Jump!"
It doesn't move.
So he writes down "After removing all legs of the flea, the flea loses its ability to hear."

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ("Jump!").In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly."So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly."Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly."Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing"

Bush, Jean Chretien, the Pope and an eight year old girl are in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says that plane has some malfunctions and they have to jump out. There were only three parachutes so Bush grabs one, puts it on and says "I am an important person, the American people depend on me!" and jumped. Jean Chretien picks one up and says "I am an important person, the Canadian people depend on me!" and jumped. The Pope turns to the little girl and says "You jump. I have lived my life!" But the little girl says "We can both jump, Jean Chretien jumped with my backpack!"

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.