Jump Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord.

The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready.

The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord.

The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie.

The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, “So you wanna race, eh? ”

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11: 00pm news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(Back to newscast: He jumped!)
Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6: 00 p. m. news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know, I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to jump TWICE!

Once george bush, osama bin laden, musharraf, manmohan singh & a schoolboy were travelling in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot
Came and said - "this plane is about to crash. Put on your parachutes and jump!" there were only 4 parachutes. Bush said - "i
Am the president of the most powerful country in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off the plane. Bin laden
Said - "i am the most dangerous terrorist in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Musharraf said - "i am the
Greatest supporter of osama as well as bush. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Manmohan said to the boy - "son, there
Is only one parachute left. You are the future of our country. You jump and let me die." the boy said - "don't worry sir,
There are 2 parachutes left." "how can you say that?" "musharraf uncle took my schoolbag!"

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work at the top of a high-rise building.
It was lunch time, and when the Irishman opened his lunch pail he groaned, "Corned beef and cabbage again! If I get corned beef and cabbage for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
The Mexican opened his lunch pail and exclaimed, "Tacos again! If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building too!"
Then the redneck opened his lunch pail and grumbled, "Bologna again! If I get one more bologna sandwich for lunch I'm going to jump too!"
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch pail, found he had corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, saw he had tacos and jumped to his death too.
Finally, the redneck opened his lunch pail, found a bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
At their funeral the following day, the Irishman's more...

Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name: Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex: Ticked the Female Box and wrote below: unlike these foreigners, we always have sex with females!
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he more...

two men in a bar on the 28th floor of a building. first guy says to the second," i bet you $100 i can jump out that window and jump back in again a second later, unharmed" the second guy accepts and the first guy does exactly as he said. The second guy is totally shocked (and getting drunk) and he bets another $300 that he cant do it again. Well he does do it again, and the second guy has to pay up. Then the second guy decides that he could do it too, and bets $500 that he could. Laughing, the first man accepts, and the second man jumps out the window, and falls to his death.
Then the bar-tender turns to the first man and says, "gee, you can be a real bastard when your drunk, Superman"

Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of
sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the
door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or
Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in
big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say,
"It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut
the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters
come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell,
"Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure
out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural
"whirring" sound.
After you give more...