Jumping Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS:
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head
to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner
comes over and asks if he can help them.
Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat
cage up dere,"says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and
Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to
drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot
drop and says "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out
of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,
killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy
shakes his head and says "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n
dangerous for me!"
THERE'S MORE
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at more...

There were three guys, a mexican, a black guy, and a white guy. They all worked on a sky scrapers and they ate their lunch on a beam high above. well one day they all sat down to eat their lunch and the white guy got to thinking and he said "you know, im getting sick of bologna and cheese sandwiches. if i open this lunch box and get a bologna and cheese sandwich again im going to jump of here." sure enough he opens it and there is a bologna and cheese sandwich, so he jumps off and dies. Then the black guy got to thinking and he said: "you know that white boy is right! im getting sick of fried chitlens, if i open this lunch pail and i get friend chitlens im jumping of this building." sure enough it was fried chitlens so he jumps of and dies! Then the mexican says: "you know those guys are right. Im sick of Tacos and refried beans, if i get tacos and refried beans again im jumping off this building." sure enough it was tacos and refried beans so he jumps more...

Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
Exercise________ Calories burned per hour
Beating around the bush -75
Jumping to conclusions - 100
Climbing the walls - 150
Swallowing your pride - 50
Passing the buck - 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight) - 50-300
Dragging your heels - 100
Pushing your luck - 250
Making mountains out of molehills - 500
Hitting the nail on the head - 50
Wading through paperwork - 300
Bending over backwards - 75
Jumping on the bandwagon - 200
Balancing the books - 25
Running around in circles - 350
Eating crow - 225
Tooting your own horn - 25
Climbing the ladder of success - 750
Pulling out the stops - 75
Adding fuel to the fire - 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end - 12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening a can of worms - more...

Jeeto came running up to Santa jumping for joy.
Not knowing how to react, Santa started jumping up and down along with her. "Why are we so happy?" Santa asked.
Jeeto, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about."
Jeeto stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.
Santa was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. Santa grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn't be happier.
Then Jeeto said "Oh, honey there's more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both more...

Her nickname is "DAMN"
she eats Wheat Thicks.
people jog around her for exercise.
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody.
she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
she put on a red tee shirt and all the little kids said "Kool-Aid, Kool-Aid".
they wrote a book about her, It was called Moby Dick.
she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
she got to iron her pants on the driveway
she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
the highway patrol made her wear more...

Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?"He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."