Justice Jokes / Recent Jokes

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, 22 October 1998

WASHINGTON -- The Justice Department today filed suit against Ford Motor Company, alleging that Ford's practice of' bundling' radios with its cars was a monopolistic restriction of trade, and an unfair competitive practice against makers of car radios such as Alpine and Pioneer.

'We feel that it is wrong for Ford to give away what other companies charge for,' said Joe Klein, head of the DOJ's antitrust division.' Furthermore, requiring that Ford dealers deliver cars to consumers with radios preinstalled restricts consumer choice.'

Justice demanded that Ford immediately cease shipping cars with radios, and that it provide current Ford owners with easy instructions for removing their existing radios. Klein also asked a judge to impose a $1,000,000 per day fine on Ford for each day it failed to comply.' Usually, antitrust fines are about $10,000 per day,' Klein said. Klein called the amount of the more...

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?" Well, this sounds good to me. It would be true poetic justice:

Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the Secret Service, Navy Seals, or whomever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital, and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.

Then we return "her" to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

If you do, here's a preview of the READ ME FIRST page
Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.
Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (c). You'll notice immediately that "98" is a higher number than "95" a better than 3 percent increase.
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A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!" The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house. Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver."You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge."The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the' halls of justice.'"

Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum." It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"