Kansas Jokes / Recent Jokes
My brother and I took a few road trips across the Missouri-Kansas-Colorado strip over the years. Alan really liked to stop at Mcdonalds for lunch. He'd get a large Iced-Tea "to go".
About fifty to eighty miles down the road, we'd pull into the next McDonalds, and go through the drive-thru. At that time, McDonalds would give free refills for iced tea. And that is what my brother would order! One time, he got seven (7) refills, starting in Lawrence, Kansas, and going all the way to Denver, for a drink he bought in Kansas City!
This was during those HOT summers, and anyone who has driven I-70 across Kansas in August knows exactly what I mean!
Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."Excelsior Springs: Hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Excelsior Springs: Worrying squirrels is not tolerated. Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. Kansas City: Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited. Marceline: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters. Marquette: It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law). Mole: Frightening a baby is in violation of the law. Natchez: It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants. Purdy: Dancing is strictly prohibited. St. Louis: A milk man may not run while on duty. University City: Four women more...
ALABAMA:
Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS:
Exporters of Everything But Honesty
CALIFORNIA:
Se Habla Ingles
FLORIDA:
The Gunshine State
GEORGIA:
The Culture State: Jews and Negroes Allowed Since 1993
INDIANA:
Home of Dan Quayle
KANSAS:
Don't Blame Us, We Voted For Dole
KENTUCKY:
Tobacco is a Vegetable
LOUISIANA:
I Drink, Therefore I Am
MARYLAND:
We're Better Than Virginia, Damn It!
MINNESOTA:
Land of 10,000 Lakes and a Lot of Really WHITE People
MISSOURI:
We're kinda to the west of Indiana and east of Kansas... and oh yeah we're right near Iowa!
MONTANA:
Only a few of us are nutbar freaks who build bombs and put them in the mail.
NEW JERSEY:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NEW YORK:
People say we're ambivalent and more...
A fan wearing a Kansas City Royals shirt was caught robbing a Wal-Mart. As a Royals fan, the man will have no trouble pleading insanity.
A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. "Hey," says the bartender, "No dogs allowed in the bar." "Oh please?," begs the customer. You see, youre playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals." "Youre trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar," says the bartender. "No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs dont like baseball!"Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded. "That is the mostamazing thing Ive ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! Im curious though.... if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?""I dont know," confesses the owner, "I ve only had him for five years."
Everyone is still buzzing about Kansas being knocked off by underdog University of Northern Iowa. There hasn't been this shocking a result in college basketball since earlier that day.
Scott Pioli, the vice president for player personnel with the Patriots, interviewed with the Kansas City Chiefs about their GM position. Pioli might instead take an easier job, like healing lepers or turning water into wine.