Kirk Jokes

When James Kirk and Spock were in college, they always used ladies toilet. Know why?
They wanted to go where no man has gone before!

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say "I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead", Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say "They're BURNED-OUT, Jim!" and "Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn more...

You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale.
Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Captain Kirk.
You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
You have no life.
You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
and number one sign you've watched too much Star Trek
You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.

Captain Kirk and an away team, searching for intelligent life on other planets, traveled down to Earth after going through a time disturbance cloud, landing in Washington D. C. right in the middle of Clinton`s inaugural ball.

After looking around, Kirk says: "Beam us up, Scotty. There`s no intelligent life down on this one."