Knees Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every picture of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of more...

Reasons it's great to be a guy:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of more...

There’s a Christian who’s hiking in the woods one day when he comes upon an angry bear.
The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge.
In panic, the Christian started to run, but the bear followed close on his heels.
Finally the hiker came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this bear a good Christian bear.
To the hiker’s amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer!
"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed the Christian.
"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed the bear, "for this meal I'm about to receive!"

Heard this on an NPR distinguished speaker lecture this afternoon:
This Christian was thrown into the ring with a lion. Terrified, he fell
on his knees and started praying. At the same time the lion dropped down
on it's knees and started praying too. The Christian, overjoyed, exclaimed,
"Thank God! Another Christian!" To which the lion replied, "I don't know
about you, but I'm saying Grace."

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains.

After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch TV. there ain't," she replied.

Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatmen; the bitch has EVERYTHING! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered "Decorator Ken", more...

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'' And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!''