Knees Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are acting very macho and talking about the control they have over their wives. The third remains silent.
After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, "What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?"
The third man turns to the first two and says, "Well, I'll tell you, just the other day I had her on her knees."
The first two men were dumbfounded.
"Whoa! What happened next?", they asked, inching closer to hear what the third man had to say.
The third man took a healthy swig of his beer, sighed and said, "Yep. I had her on her knees. Until she started screaming, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"
An adorable little girl enters a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"
The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so he can be on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?"
Putting her hands on her knees, the little girl bends forward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a fuck".
An old fellow was celebrating 92 years on this Earth. He
spoke To his toes. "Hello, toes!" he said, "How are you, toes? You know, you are 92 today.
Oh, the times we've had! Remember we walked in the park in
summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!"
"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you, knees? You
know you're 92 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the arade?
Oh the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday
knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You
little bugger, if you were alive today, you'd be 92.
Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free.
They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man.
They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off."
The second man agrees to this and they start thier rounds.
When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer.
The bartender tells them, "That will be 3 dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!", screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his more...
What have a condom and a coffin got in common?
They both hold stiffs, but one is cumin and one is going!
When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
During sex, cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:)
Sex is like math.
Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
If she has to chew before she can swallow.
Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute?
The one that says IDAHO!
How can you tell which is the head nurse?
She's the one with the dirty knees.
Have you noticed that more and more women are having their navels pierced?
That's because it's a handy place to hang the air freshener.
How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?
Phone her!
What do you call a woman with two brain more...
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?" "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, more...