Ladder Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof so he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat." "When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"

A young female shop assistant with a penchant for very short skirts worked in a bakery shop.
One day a young man came in, saw the young woman and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
'I'd like some raisin bread, please,' he said politely.
The girl nodded and climbed up a ladder to reach the raisin bread on the very top shelf, whereupon the young man got a great view.
As she came down the ladder with the bread a small group of male customers began to gather around the young man to check out the view.
Pretty soon they were all asking for raisin bread, just to see the her climb up and down.
After a while she got tired and irritated by all this, and from the top of the ladder, noticed an elderly man standing in the middle of the group.
'Is yours raisin too?' she yelled testily.
'No,' croaked the feeble old man,' But it's startin' to twitch.'

The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose more...

How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They assign the task to a non-unionized temporary.
Just one, but he gets promoted two times before he finally finishes screwing it up.

Just one, but once he gets tenure, he doesn't change anymore.

"Eighteen, you got a problem with that?"

Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, fifty; its in the contract.

Fourteen. One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap.
How many personnel managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to take out the old bulb, one to screw in the new bulb, and one to relocate the old bulb.

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:
"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and more...