Lamp Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this
salt encrusted piece of metal. He scratched away at it to remove
the salt, to reveal a very old oil lamp. With an embarassed look around him, the guy gives it a quick rub. .. a Genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp
that he granted the guy three wishes.

"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.

"You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on
board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an
automobile."

The genie waved his hand and the requested Egomobile appeared.

But what about the third wish. ... "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for more...

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope.. . due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So.. . what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my more...

There were three men stranded on an island. They had been there for a very long time, when one morning a magic lamp washed up on the shore. The men saw it and picked it up.

The men rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. After the genie rose up he granted the men one wish each.

The first man thought about his wish and made it count. After thinking, the man finally said, "I wish I was back at home." Then, poof, he disappeared.

The second man thought about his wish also. Finally, the man said, "I wish I was at home with my family." Then, poof, he vanished.

The last wish went to the last man on the island. He looked around and felt very lonely. It took a while to think of a good wish and finally an idea came to him.

The third man said, "I wish that my two best friends were back on this island with me." Poof, the two other men appeared on the island again.

Poland, in the days before democracy settled down, went through times as bad as anywhere in Europe. After centuries of occupation by so many nations, being free from the Russian yoke was a weird experience; Poland emerged blinking into the bright lights of democracy and freedom.

Of course it was not like that at all; Poles knew what freedom was, and took to it like children in a sweet shop. But there were problems, and the shortages did not disappear overnight. .. So when his last light bulb burned out, Old Stefan knew he'd have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and there would probably be none left by the time he got to the front of the queue). So he went up into his attic and started rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembered from decades ago.

He found the old brass lamp in a corner, stained with grime of ages. He started to polish it and a Genie appeared in cloud of smoke.

"Hello, Mortal!" said the Genie, more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?"
"Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer."
"Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life."
"Poof! you get a million more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.The husband asks: "Did we break that too?""Yes", replies the man."Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks."No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer.""Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces."Second, I want a million bucks a week for life.""Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie more...