Lamp Jokes / Recent Jokes
So, this guy, Bill is sitting in a bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully.
The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe, says 'That's amazing. Where did you get him?'
Bill answers 'well, I got this magic lamp with a genie.'
So Joe asks 'that's great, could I use it?' Bill says 'sure ' and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie. He continued, 'I want a million bucks'. Suddenly the room is entirely filled with quacking ducks!
Joe exclaims 'Hey! I asked for 1 million BUCKS! Not DUCKS!' Bill explained.
'Yes, the genie is a bit deaf. You don't think I really asked for a twelve inch pianist do you?
A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. But first, the terrorists ask the red-headed woman if she has any last words. The red-head points and says, "Twister!" The terrorists ran in all different directions and the red-headed woman gets away. When they realize what has happened, the come back and to where the blonde woman is still standing, and they ask her if she has any last words. She points and says, "Fire!" Blonde
Genie in a bottle "A blonde woman and her mother-in-law were among a group of women playing ball in the woods during a family reunion. They eventually lose the ball, so the daughter-in-law goes into the woods to find the ball they lost. While searching, she came across an oil lamp, and upon rubbing it, there appeared a genie.
The genie said, "Because you let me out of my lamp, I'll grant you 3 wishes, though your mother-in-law whom more...
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."The first said, "I wish I were smarter."So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"So, she became a man.
A partner, an associate, and a paralegal from a major law firm are at having a lunch meeting in a conference room when the paralegal notices someone left an ancient-looking lamp on the floor. She rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.
"Masters," the genie, "I will grant each of you one wish." The paralegal speaks up immediately. "I want to be to be on a Greek Island, basking in the sun, with a gorgeous man giving me a massage." The next moment she disappears.
Seeing that the paralegal got her wish, the associate decides to go for it. "I want to be on the most beautiful beach in Thailand." Another moment, and the associate disappears as well.
The genie turns to the partner. "Well...?"
"I don't care where you sent those two," the partner finally says. "But I want both of them back here right after lunch."
A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a woman!
Following a moment of inattention by the Captain, a ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Two guys managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before the ship slipped gently below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for six days they ran out of food and water.
On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (Oil Lamp, Brass, One. Genies for the use of). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie.
"OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this three wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one".
The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can more...
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always more...