Lamp Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the Ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.
After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object, floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, " OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now an quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one."
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, " Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
" Fine," said the genie, more...

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four more...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I `m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I `ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I `m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That `s impossible. think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete. . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I `ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don `t care and that I `m insensitive. So, I wish more...

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."The first said, "I wish I were smarter."So, she became a redhead.The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."She became a brunette.The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"So, she became a man.

Amazing Geanie
This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and
pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his
preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a
puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that
something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches
into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the
piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench
in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the
piano and begins playing.
The more...

It was the NITE before Christmas!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa more...