Lamp Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! No, think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish more...
A man walks into a bar and hears piano music. He looks at the piano and
can't see anyone sitting there, so he walks over and discovers a foot-tall
man standing on the piano bench playing the tune of Dixie-Girl. The man
thought that this was strange so he goes over to the bartender and asks
where the man came from.
"Here," says the bartender, handing the man a genie lamp, "rub this."
So the man rubs the lamp and out comes this genie.
"What do you wish for?" asks the genie.
"A million bucks," the man states, quite sure of himself.
"Granted." And the genie claps his hands and disappeared back into the
lamp.
The man looks around, checks his wallet but can't find a million bucks
anywhere. Just that moment, a million ducks fly through the bar.
Astounded the man says: "Hey! I didn't ask for a million ducks!"
"Do you think that I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" replied more...
A husband and wife were walking on a beach.
The wife finds a lamp half buried in the sand and picks it up.
When she began to rub the sand off, a Genie rises out of the lamp.
"Mistress, I will grant you three wishes. But, what ever you wish, your husband will receive 10 times more. What will you wish for first?"
The wife thought for a minute. "I wish for 1 ton of gold"
The genie said,"You will be given 1 ton of gold and your husband will be given 10 tons of gold. Granted. And what will your second wish be?"
The wife thought again for a minute, then said,"I wish for a grand palace."
The genie said,"You will be given 1 palace and your husband will be given 10 palaces. Granted. And what will your final wish be? And let me remind you, whatever you wish will be given to your husband 10 times.!"
The woman didn't hesitate.
"For my third wish, I want a teeny, weeny....... heart attack."
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you. ”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter”. So she became a redhead.
The second blonde said “I wish I were smarter than her. ” She became a brunette.
The third blond said “I wish I were smarter than both of them. ” So she became a man.
One day, Little Johnny's teacher asked the class "Children, who can answer this question, please raise your hand!"
"Mention things you can suck!"
"Ice cream, mam!" Little Jane answered.
"Good, Jane." the teacher said, "Anyone else?"
"It's a lollipop!" said Little Steven.
"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!" the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "I think it's lamp!"
The teacher and all of the students wondered about Little Johnny's answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, how do you think we can suck lamp?"
"Well, last night when I passed my parents' bedroom", Little Johnny said, "I heard my mom said, please turn off the lamp, honey, and let me suck it!"
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.
The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired."He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained."Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily."Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post."Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"