Law Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

* The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

* The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

* The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

* The Law of Volunteering
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

* The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

* The Law of Motivation
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

* Boob’s Law
You always find something in the last place you look.

* Weiler’s Law
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

* Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

* Law of Volunteer Labor
People are always available for work in the past tense.

* Conway’s Law
In more...

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, ‘Why did you become a lawyer? ’ In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. ‘I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him? ’
‘I said I became a lawyer because of my hands, ‘ Robert replies.
‘Your hands? What do you mean? ’
‘Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them! ’

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", replied the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an elevator and which slowly descended to the depths of more...

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.

The following are laws from around the world which, though a bit unusual, aren't really that surprising....:
1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
2) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
3) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered at all times.
4) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
5) There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Now let's just think for a minute Is there any job more...

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman pinscher.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.