Law Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hugh Downs` Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 - When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 - When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 - Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2. Rule 4 - Apply Rule 1.
Drew`s Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
Ducharme`s Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Ducharme`s Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Emersons` Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
Estridge`s Law: No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.
Fett`s Law: more...
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Ben Dover
And
C. Howlett Fields
Attorneys At Law
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Flugg`s Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor`s course.
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences; if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Franklin`s Rule: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Freeman`s Commentary on Ginsberg`s theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg`s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption more...
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm:? Justice prevailed.? The senior partner replied in haste,? Appeal immediately.?
Galbraith`s Law of Human Nature: Faced with the choice between changing one`s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
Gerrold`s Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.
Gilb`s Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on more...
Goebel`s Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn`t worth doing.
Goebel`s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Goebel`s Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
Goebel`s Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you`re going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.
Goebel`s Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don`t have a chance of seeing it before that time.
Goebel`s Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over more...
Gold`s Law: If the shoe fits, it`s ugly
Goldenstern`s Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Gordian Maxim: If a string has one end, it has another.
Gordon`s First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
Gordon`s Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.
Gordon`s Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.