Law Jokes / Recent Jokes

Meade’s Maxim: Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else. Mencken’s Law: There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong. Muir’s Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. Newlan’s Truism: An “acceptable” level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Ninety-Ninety Rule Of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. Nolan’s Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Nowlan’s Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Oliver’s Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Orben’s Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash. Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t, constants aren’t. Ozman’s Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something “without fail, ” he won’t. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth. O’Reilly’s Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible O’Toole’s Commentary On Murphy’s Law: Murphy was an optimist. Parkinson’s Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to more...

Peter’s Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence. Pudder’s Law: Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of Pudder’s law is not true.) Putt’s Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. Putts-Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later. Quigley’s Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it. Ralph’s Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you are in a hurry. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes. Reisner’s Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you’ll never have to do it.

Rhode’s Corollary To Hoare’s Law: Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free. Ross’s Law: Bare feet magnetise sharp metal objects so they always point upwars from the floor-especially in the dark. Rudin’s Law: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course. Rudnicki’s Nobel Prize Principle: Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it so no one else can understand it. Rule Of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to know the answer. Ryan’s Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert. Sattinger’s Law: It works better if you plug it in.

Bentley’s second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! Berta’s Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. “The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist. ” Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Clovis` Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.

Cohn`s Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

Colvard`s Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won`t.

Colvard`s Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you`re attracted to.

Conway`s Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what`s going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don`t want to hear, will see it immediately.

Cooke`s Law: In any decision situation, the more...

Cropp`s Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Bo Diddeley`s Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.

Bolub`s Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Deadline-Dan`s Demo Demonstration: The higher the "higher-ups" are who`ve come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

Demian`s Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "Abandon hope all ye who enter here".

DeVries`s Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don`t want hits the paper.

Dr. Caligari`s Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you`ve done several hours of work without performing a backup.