Lawsuits Jokes

Extracted from US news papers:
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A 24-YEAR-old man being chased by a police officer from a Beverly Hills, Calif., house that he was
suspected of burglarizing ran into a tree branch and knocked himself unconscious. In September, in
Akron, Ohio, police said that Christopher S. Dobbins, 28, in the process of robbing Leonardo's Pizza,
slipped on a streak of grease on the floor, which was the result of a dropped pizza earlier in the
evening, and knocked himself out.
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IN ST. LOUIS IN OCTOBER, according to police, Robert Puelo, 32, stole a hot dog from a 7-Eleven and
left the store, cramming it into his mouth as he ran. Minutes later, Puelo choked to death on a
6-inch piece of the hot dog that lodged in his throat.
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In Council Bluffs, Iowa, seven relatives ranging in age from 10 to 71 piled into the family car
intending to commit suicide over more...

Dear Ann Landers: So you like "crazy lawsuits?" In the three years I have been writing the Random Nuts column for Graffiti magazine, I've collected some doozies and am pleased to pass some of the best along to you. Here they are:* After he threatened to sue McDonald's for $5 million, a former research scientist was arrested for extortion. The scientist claimed he ate part of a fried rat tail he found in a bag of Happy Meal french fries, but a grand jury said the tail came from one of his own laboratory rats.* A convict wants $1,000 because the state of New York made him eat "vegetable diet loaf" as a punishment for violating prison rules.* Another prisoner is suing because he says secondhand smoke from other inmates is ruining his health, though he smokes himself.* The all-time Random Nuts champ has to be a convicted Brooklyn burglar who is suing the state for $989 billion because prison guards beat up his jacket, which he wasn't wearing at the time.* In Boston, more...

America's jailbirds don't give up. Disappointed by the criminal justice system, this plucky lot still has faith in the civil side. Last year, the states spent $81 million defending what state attorneys general called frivolous lawsuits. Here are a few favorites:

A Virginia inmate tried to sue himself for $5 million on the grounds that he had gotten drunk and caused himself to violate his religious beliefs by committing a crime. Because he had no money, he wanted the state to pay the $5 million.

A convicted New York rapist sued the state, claiming he lost sleep and suffered headaches and chest pains after being given a "defective haircut" by an unqualified barber.

A Nevada inmate sued when he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter at the Nevada State Prison canteen and received one chunky and one creamy.

A San Quentin death row inmate sued California, claiming his civil rights were violated because his packages were sent via UPS more...

Teacher: "What Kind Of Clothes Do Lawyers Wear In Court?"
Student: "Lawsuits."