Leading Jokes

A programmer died after leading a rather quit life. This guy was lucky, he got a choice between going to heaven or hell.
So he went on a tour of heaven with St. Peter. All around him people was singing and clapping hands or just leading a mild, peacefull existence. "Mmm, this ain't bad", thought the programmer. "But what does hell look like?", he wondered.
Satan took him on a personal tour of Hell. They went to a bar with beautiful girls who did everything you asked with a smile. You didn't have to pay for anything, and It was situeted in a tropical paradise. "Now THIS I could go for."
The programmer chose hell. The moment he set foot there, 4 ugly demons grabbed him and carried him off to a huge fire. Everything smelled fould and diseased, and there wasn't a sign of the tropical paradise he visited on the tour. So he asked Satan about it.
Laughing evilly, Satan replied "That was the _demo_, man."

How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?" Bernie: "The dog came here to pray." "Oh, come on." says the Rabbi. "YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple." Bernie: "Its true!".. "Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do." "OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. more...

33, Sussex
Middle sex
U. K.
The Advertiser
R. A. De Mel Mw.
Colombo-3.
Dear Madam
Post Of Trainee Lover In Your Heart
===================================
Being made to understand that there is a vacancy in your
heart as above, I am pleased to submit my application for the above
post.
I am Sinhalese, 22 Years of age. I eas educated in a leading
School in the City of Colombo. Whilst in school Ihave represented college
in the first eleven team in which I played Pocket Billiods, Marbles,
Bed rugger and swimming on the road. I have also been an active member
of the Women's interest in Men and the President of the Nude sex and Phonography
Club.
After my distinguied school career I have done a serious study on
INTERCOURSE. At present I am doing a course leading to the INTERNATIONALLY
recognised UNDER SKIRT ADVENTURE (U. S. A.)DIPLOMA IN WOMEN.
This also includes the following
1. more...

An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States. After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand. "Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can`t be president?"