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What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

Three jewish israeli brothers come to america. They each get jobs.
The first one is a singer. He learns to say, "Me, me me me me!"
The second one is a waiter. He learns to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
The third one owns a candy shop. He learns to say, "Goody goody gum drops!"
One day a man is murdered. The three brothers are at the crime scene, and they're being questioned.
One cop says, "All right, now who did this?"
The first brother tries to point out the man, but the only word he can say is, "Me, me me me me!"
The second cop says, "What did you kill him with?"
The second brother, trying to prove his brother's innocence, says, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
Finally, the third cop says, "All three of you are going to have to come downtown with us."
And the third brother, trying to protest, says, "Goody goody gum drops!"

A wise man learns from his mistakes. A wiser man learns from others' mistakes.

There was once a Chinese immigrant who came to England; he didn't know English, so he decided to learn some words by walking around the city of Nottsbourough. He walks into a nursery and all of the babies are shouting, "Me, me!" So he learns the word "Me". He then walks into a restaurant and a boy screams, "Knives and forks!" He learns those two words as well. Finally, he walks into a video shop and he sees the television playing, "Dunununununununununununu, BATMAN!" He then learns that as well.
Suddenly there is big commotion outside, and a policeman shouts, "Who killed this man?" (there was a dead man lying on the floor.) The Chinese man walks out of the shop and shouts, "Me!" The policeman asks, "What did you kill him with, then?" The Chinese man shouts, "Knives and forks". Then the policeman shouts in despair at him, "Who the bloody hell do you think you are?!" The Chinese man goes more...

Four Aliens Land On Earth. They Each Learn A English Word. The First Alien Learns' Me, Me, Me, Me, Me'. The Second Alien Learns
'With Knives And Forks'. The Third Alien Learn' Because He Sold My Lollipop'. The Fourth Alien Learns' Hurrah! Hurrah!'. In
The Same Town A Man Dies. A Policeman Goes To The Aliens And Asks Them "Who Murdered The Man?" The First Alien Says
"Me, Me, Me, Me, Me." The Police Asks "With What?" The Second Aslien Says "With Knives And Forks." The Police Again Asks "Why?"
The Third Alien Says "Because He Stole My Lollipop?" And The Fourth Alien Says "Hurrah! Hurrah!"