Leash Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat.""What's that mean?" asked the child."Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage".The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by. It is the longest funeral procession he has ever seen, with a long line of men walking behind the hearse. He notices that the first man in line has a Doberman Pinscher on a leash. After watching the long line of men for a few minutes, the man's curiousity gets the better of him, so he goes up to the first man in the procession.
"Excuse me, sir," he says to the mourner with the dog, "I'm very sorry to bother you in your time of grief, but never in my life have I seen such a large funeral procession. Could you please tell me who this funeral is for?"
"Yes, says the man, tightening the leash on his dog, "the funeral is for my mother-in-law. You see," he says, hanging his head, "my Doberman, here, attacked and killed her."
"Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that," says the other man. "But...um...tell me, do you think maybe I could borrow this more...

Bath: A process by which humans use to drench the floor, walls and themselves. Retaliate by shaking vigorously and frequently.

Bicycle: Two-wheeled human transport device useful for dogs to control body fat or reduce boredom. For maximum effect, hide behind a bush and upon approach of such human-operated device, dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards-the human will swerve and fall, thereupon you proudly, but quickly, prance away.

Bump-regular: The best way to get human attention while the human is drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea. To execute, maneuver your snout under the arm holding the liquid beverage. When your snout is properly positioned, with one smooth flowing action, bounce the human’s arm upward.

Bump-goose: A more involved maneuver than the bump-regular, requiring that you wrap your fore paws and legs around the human’s legs and begin climbing up the legs. This is a last resort when the bump-regular doesn’t get the more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr likea freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To takea tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are notrecommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to theprocedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than activelyirritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which willbend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and thecane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the waythat the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madlyhanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a more...

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for awalk. Her mom said no, that missy was in heat."What is heat?" Mom said go ask your Dad, he is outside working oncar.Angela goes outside and ask her Dad if she can take missy for awalk, her Mom had said no, that missy was in heat. "What is heatDad"? Go get the leash and bring her here. She goes and get missy andbrings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks itin Gasoline and swips her bottom with it.Now you can take her around the block one time. Angela goes down thestreet and comes back shorty with the leash and no missy. Dad says"where is missy?"Angela said "missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her downthe street.

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father, I think he's in the garage."The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fluffy for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you!"Dad said, "Bring Fluffs over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Fluffy on the leash and only go one time around the block!"The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash! Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Fluffy?"The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about half-way down the block, so another dog is pushing her home!"