Lesson Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."

Never squat with yer spurs on.
There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
If more...

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, Who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all, are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He run towards thepool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last was the American. When he was running towards the pool, suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the more...

Never squat with your spurs on!
Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Never ask a man the size of his spread.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never drop your gun to hug a more...

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class.

At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.

The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."

The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."

The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."

The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."

A teacher had just finished giving her second grade students a science lesson. She had taught them about magnets and showed how they could pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now came question time.
"Class," the teacher said, "my name begins with 'M' and I pick up things. Who can tell me what I am?"
A little girl in the front row stood up and proudly said, "You're a Mom!"

The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson:
"All right class, I want everyone to write a sentence which starts with a question and ends with an answer and has the words possible and definite in it!"
All at once, young Johnny's hand shot up.
"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny.
"Write it down, Johnny!" said the teacher.
"... But Miss! Miss! Miss!" Johnny intoned.
"I said write it down!" exclaimed the teacher who was now quite peeved.
"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny once more.
"Okay, Johnny. I give up. What is it?"
"Is it possible that farts have lumps in them?"
"No!" said the startled teacher.
"Then I have definitely shit myself!"