Lesson Jokes / Recent Jokes

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...

3050 B. C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.

525 B. C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put.

214 B. C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1, 500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out.

1 B. C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.

432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.

1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or more...

An officer reads lectures to a group of soldiers.
When he says: "Water boils at 90 degrees" one of the soldiers dares to oppose: "Sir, water boils at 100 degrees centigrade".
"Are you sure?"
"I am sure, lieutenant."
"I'll check it until the next lesson."
The next lesson the officer says: "Soldiers, make a correction in your notes from the previous lesson: Water boils at 100 degrees. 90 degrees is right angle."

The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson:"All right class, I want everyone to write a sentence which starts with a question and ends with an answer and has the words possible and definite in it!"All at once, young Johnny's hand shot up."Miss! Miss!" called Johnny."Write it down, Johnny!" said the teacher."... But Miss! Miss! Miss!" Johnny intoned."I said write it down!" exclaimed the teacher who was now quite peeved."Miss! Miss!" called Johnny once more."Okay, Johnny. I give up. What is it?""Is it possible that farts have lumps in them?" "No!" said the startled teacher."Then I have definitely shit myself!"

This was a Typo from Jack-in-the-Box
1. Come in for our new Chihuahua (Chibatta, Don't ask.)Sandwich.
2. Newspaper
Look ravished (ravishing) for your big day.
3. Church Newsletter
Come tonight to see famous missionary Bobby Belch. Come hear Bobby Belch from Africa.
4. Sunday School Lesson: Jesus Walks on Water
Tonight's Lesson: Finding Jesus
5. Tonight's Sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early to listen to our choir perform.

The Lesson:
The Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathering them
around him, he taught them saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst justice.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven...
Then Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And Andrew said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And James said, "Will we have a test on it?"
And Phillip said, "What if we don't know it?"
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And Matthew said, "When do we get out of here?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with the real more...

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Thanks to Jo for this Ripper!

August 31st:
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Perth!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer that I more...