Lesson Jokes / Recent Jokes

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson." Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor." P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied." Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Oh that's beautiful, just beautiful!"

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
“Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t? ” she asked the instructor.
“P-u-t-t is correct, ” he replied.
“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing. ”

Never squat with yer spurs on.
There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never drop your gun to hug a more...

I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could actually get inside and ride. Instead, he played in the box it came in.
It taught me a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box, and I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.

All the kids a class had to bring in a lesson. The teacher asks a little girl to tell her lesson. She says, she droped a bucit of milk. The teacher says thats a good lesson. She calls on another little girl. She says she droped a basket of eggs. The teacher says thats a good lesson. Then the teacher calls on a little boy. He says his uncle was in world war 2. He said that his uncle has a gun a bottle of beer and 15 Germans running at him. He takes a chug of beer and shot 5 Germans. Then he takes another chug of beer and shot 5 more Germans. Then he takes his last chug of beer and shot the last 5 Germans. Then the teacher asks so whats the lesson. The kid said never run at my uncle when he has beer.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter' M' and I pick up things. What am I?”Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You're a mother!”