Lesson Jokes / Recent Jokes

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A Cowboy`s Guide to Life1. Don`t squat with your spurs on.2. Don`t interfere with something that ain`t bothering you none.3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.4. Always drink upstream from the herd.5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don`t be surprised if they learn their lesson.7. If you`re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it`s still back there.8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.9. If you get to thinking you`re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else`s dog around.10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

There was a jatt in the middle of a corn field rowing a boat, when another jatt drove by.

The blonde in the car got out and hollered to the other one,' It's jatts like you that give the rest of us a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and teach you a lesson.'

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...

1. Don't squat with your spurs on. 2. Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering you none. 3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. 4. Always drink upstream from the herd. 5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions. 6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. 7. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still back there. 8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. 9. If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. 10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter' M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . more...