Lied Jokes

WARNING: The following contains psuedo-Native-American speech. If this would offend you, don't go on.
jhm Unkindest Cut Anonymous (1890)
After nearly three decades of out-maneuvering the best that the U. S. Army could send into the field, Sitting Bull was caught and held at the Red Cloud agency, where he was interviesed by the Quaker Indian Commissioners. They wanted to know if the old Sioux warrior had any special grievance to report to them?
Sitting Bull noded grimly. "A white man has lied about me," he said. "He lied and put in newspaper for all to read."
"Who was it?" asked the Commissioners.
"Indian don't know name. But Indian been told what man write in newspaper. Indian sensitive man. He no like being lied about," and here he gave vent to an accomplished burst of bi-lingual profanity.
"But what did the man write about you, Chief?"
"If Indian ever find him, he'll scalp the son-bitch say more...

Admitting "It's bad in Iraq," The President and Tony Blair spoke at a news conference in Washington.

Bush continued: "I'm at a loss here. I don't know what else to do. I mean, I lied my ASS off for months and months. Nobody lied harder than me, and that includes Dick and Rummy. I lied right to your faces, and admit it, you wanted to believe me. I could see it in your eyes. Wow, eyes rhymes with lies... I never realized that before! That's funny. Can I go now?"

An Indian man was violently whipping one of his young sons. A man passing by said. "Say now!" "Why are you whipping that boy.""He lied to me." "He pushed over the out house and then told me he didn't do it."That is no reason to whip him. George Washington cut down a cherry tree and his father did not whip him to get to the truth."Yeah but, George Washington's father was not in that Cherry tree when his son cut it down."

One day John came home with an unusual purchase. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5: 30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.' Why are you late? Where have you been?' asked his mum, Katie., Tommy answered,' Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project.' The robot then walked up to Tommy and slapped him.,
'Son,' said John,' this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'' We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.' What did you watch?' asked Katie.' The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. Again robot went around to Tommy and slapped him.
With his lips quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,' I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called' Sex Queen.'' I am ashamed of you son,' said John.' When I was your age, I never lied to my parents' The robot then walked around to John and delivered more...

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.