Lied Jokes / Recent Jokes

Admitting "It's bad in Iraq," The President and Tony Blair spoke at a news conference in Washington.

Bush continued: "I'm at a loss here. I don't know what else to do. I mean, I lied my ASS off for months and months. Nobody lied harder than me, and that includes Dick and Rummy. I lied right to your faces, and admit it, you wanted to believe me. I could see it in your eyes. Wow, eyes rhymes with lies... I never realized that before! That's funny. Can I go now?"

An Indian man was violently whipping one of his young sons. A man passing by said. "Say now!" "Why are you whipping that boy.""He lied to me." "He pushed over the out house and then told me he didn't do it."That is no reason to whip him. George Washington cut down a cherry tree and his father did not whip him to get to the truth."Yeah but, George Washington's father was not in that Cherry tree when his son cut it down."

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you, you twit; she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B
is for Bitter. Who, me? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils, and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together, and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C
is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.
D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy; the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and more...

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B
is for Bitter. Who, me? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.
D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she more...