Lightbulbs Jokes

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to analyze the historical failure rates of lightbulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the lightbulb before the user actually has to report it, one to explain why SAS is better for changing lightbulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet, one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs, one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the lightbulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled, one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight, one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the lightbulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using lightbulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its more...

Q: How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1 to complain that the lightbulb isn't working, 5 to hold a meeting to decide what to do about it, 20 to form an expedition to the fabled Lightbulb Mines of Mythrill, 30 to throw a going-away party, 1 to ask Gandalf for directions, 1 to sell into slavery when the directions aren't stuck to, and they end up in entirely the wrong part of the country, and ready cash runs low, 5 get lost through natural wastage (bandits, murderers, monsters, etc,) 1 to be thrown to the Dragon that guards the Lightbulb hoarde, 1 to be thrown to the dragon to cover the retreat, 2 to carry the box of lightbulbs, 5 to find a large, sword-wielding barbarian to escort them home with the lightbulbs, another 30 to throw a safe-return party, 5 to get rid of the barbarian, who in typical style, got drunk at the party, 5 to find an Elf in the neighbourhood tall enough to change the lightbulb, one elf, and 5 to compose ballads of derring-do, heroism, more...

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hey, that's not funny! We're suing!
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Who needs lightbulbs with our technology?
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't afford lightbulbs. The only thing I can afford is this old gym sock.

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying "Our news software hasn't been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?", one to post in quoting everything so far and the words "Me too", two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with "I don't get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get it. What's the punchline ?", one to post "Has anyone got a list of these? I'm more...

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a dyslexic?
A: One. It isn't too easy.